Okay guys, I need help!

[Snobles]

I am what they call an "oldie but goodie!" I know the rules, I have lived by the rules, and have lost the weight! And the way of life really does work!! Heck, I am proof of that! I went from a 22 to size 16. But I digressed big time! I have been blessed with the ability to "hide the weight" so to speak, but I know it's there! I am uncomfortable in my own skin. I think the first thing that triggered it was my moms death this July, and this being the first Christmas I wasn't able to go to her house for Christmas, like we had all these years. It was a hard reality, but I "barely" made it through. I think I literally ate my way through my emotions. I am disgusted, and embarrased with myself.
I have made up my mind though. (and yes, I know I've said it a million times on here!)I have made up my mind(again!), I do not want to be 800lbs. and miserable. Not that I'm anywhere near that! But I'm to the point to where I just want to sit down and cry! My mother n law still cooks loads of carbs, and doesn't show signs of stopping! I told my husband, I don't care, I've got to do something, or I will end up as big as the house! I have to get out and excersize and do something! i think most of it has been a little bit of depression. I have made it through my first Christmas without my mom and surived. So if I can do that, I can loose the weight!
I am sorry for being longwinded! And I am sorry "Doug" for being so darn wishy washy! I just need a little "shove" in the right direction!!

[morgan]

Firstly - a big hug.  I can only imagine how hard it was for you to just make it through this holiday season.  They say it gets easier when you lose someone, but the thing is you always have a piece of them in your heart, so it does hurt.  Just remember that you loved them and they loved you - always.

The saying that stays with me the most is 'failure isn't giving up, it's not trying again'.  No matter how many times you give up as long as you keep trying you will eventually get there, even if it takes you longer getting to your goal, you will arrive.  Take a deep breath, wipe all your yesterdays away and start your new day with a smile on your face and determination in your eyes.

It seems from past posts that your M-in-L is not going to change, and you know the only person you can change is you so I think you are going to have to take a stand.  Let your M-in-L cook all she likes but you organise and cook your own meals.  Is she a 'control freak' in some way? Her way or the highway?  You never know, after a few weeks when she sees you can 'eat' without her, she may change her way of cooking (but don't bet on it).

Good luck - post often, ask for support.  You know it is freely given.

[shawn116]

failure isn't giving up, it's not trying again

Morgan is so right!! 

Stephanie I am so sorry you are having so many struggles.  You know we are here to give you that virtual hug and a gentle shove in the right direction.  Now pick yourself up, dust yourself off and get right back at it girl.  Don't sweet those days in the past...there isn't a thing you can do to change them.  The only control you have is of yourself and how you deal with the days ahead.     We are here for you dear. 

[umpa]

Hi Snobles! My heart goes out to you being without your mother 
This problem with your mother in law has been going on a long time.Did hubby put back on all the weight he lost?How about the kids?

[Andrea]

Steph,
You've had a roller coaster few years.  When you don't have complete control of what's going on, you can gain power by controlling what goes into your mouth.  It's a small step that you can build on.

I'm really sorry about your mom.  It's hard being promoted to the older generation.  One step at a time.  You don't need to take on more than that.

Virtual hugs coming your way.

[Snobles]

@Morgan, you have "No idea" how much of a controll freak she is! OMG!  She won't let anybody else but her cook, of course, unless she's busy or just doesn't feel like it! It seems when we were by ourselves up north, we lost all the weight, because, well, we lived by ourselves, and "we" controlled everything! Now she does! But, I am takeing a stand! I will post often! This morning, for breakfast, I had apple and cheese salad. Not sure the carb count, but I didn't have that much of it. For lunch, I am going to make me a salad. For dinner, I am only goinng to have the meats. No sides, or deserts. And yes, I have to go through detox again!   But it will be worth it, when I start looseing the weight again!
@Umpa, we have all fallen off the bandwagon! :'(I am sad to say. But like I said, we haven't gained a whole lot, we just feel miserable! So, we are starting from rock bottom! And will no longer cave in! She had to have the lapban done to loose her weight, and I almost think sometimes, that, that's the reason she cooks that way. Maybe she does, maybe she doesn't. But, just because she cooks it, doesn't mean we have to eat it! I know I've failed many, many times. But I think I am actually to the point to where my back is against the wall. Know what I mean? I know I can do it, I've done it before, just this time will have to take a little more will power!
@Andrea, you are so right on the roller coaster few years! But, the food, like you said, is where I can take control, and will!
Thank you all for the support and the hugs! One slow step at a time!
"I will no longer let food controll my life, Eat to Live not live to eat! I will not let food controll my emotions, and I will not eat, just because it's there!"

[mdanziger]

Snobles: First my sincerest condolences on your loss.  As a relative newbie here, I am not familiar with your previous posts.  However, it sounds like you moved in with your mother in law.  It also sounds like your husband has had his success with FTS in the past.  You two need to join forces and TELL his mom that no matter what she thinks, you two can't eat the way she wants you to.  You are adults, and you want/need to take care of yourself and your family.  Tell her that if it means she cooks for herself and you cook for your family, so be it.  I know it is hard... that is why her son needs to be by your side and supporting you in this (or even taking the lead in the conversation).  She can't want you all to be unhappy and uncomfortable, can she?

You know the people here on the forum have your back.

[MommaB]

I agree with all the wonderful advice that's been posted so far and want to give you a ((((((((((huge hug)))))))))) too!!

I am praying for strength, conviction, and peace for you and your family!!
Love and hugs,
MommaB  

[Snobles]

@mdanziger, thank you for the condolences Husband and I are on the same track, and we often talk about the weight loss, and we "pick our battles" so to speak, with the mil, and we have agreed that she can cook her way, we will just eat what we know is right, if she doesn't cook that way, there is a fridge in the house ;Dthat we can make our own stuff. And like Umpa has said, "if she realizes" that her efforts are going "uneaten" maybe she will slow down? But till then, it's one heck of a bridge to break. But I'm game! I can't begin to tell you how many uphill battles I've already had with her! So heck, what's one more?!

[mouseissue]

Hello, Stephanie.

You have my most heartfelt condolences and prayers for strength to forge ahead.

We lost my father-in-law on August 28th this year.
He was the patriarch of the family and the center of family gatherings (especially at the holidays).
My wife could not celebrate Thanksgiving and spent the day with her mom talking about her dad.
I went to my youngest son's house for the holiday.

Despite you mother-in-law, you can be successful as long as YOU control what enters your mouth.

We love you here and will give all the support we can to help you.
Your FTS family really cares about you!

Tony

[Doug Varrieur]

Sorry about your Mom Steph It's so tough on us when we go through heavy emotional times. For many of us emotional eating has been a crutch for years. Old habits are hard to break especially the ones that run really deep. We eat carbs during emotional eating because they release dopamine in our brains. This "feel good" hormone is just that, it makes you feel good and after all when we emotionally eat that what we're striving for, to feel better any way we can. Unfortunately it's not a one time fix, once we start back on the dopamine high the cravings begin again and so does the roller coaster. I know you know this but it doesn't hurt to put the blame where it belongs so you can deal with the actual source. 

The only way to quit smoking, drinking, gambling, drugs or dopamine is to go cold turkey, cut it off at the source. This takes inner strength and a "want to" attitude. Your mother in law is the smoker in the house while everyone else is trying to quit and that adds more stress into the party however you must realize that temptations will be all around you forever. Blaming her for your lack of personal commitment is the easy way to justify failure. Sorry to sound so cold but is what is. It would be nice if your entire family recognized your pain and became a united support front for you. Maybe it's time to have a heart to heart with her so she realizes how important this is for you. Maybe she should read the book so she understands your eating plan and how quickly she can sabotage it. I assume your husband and children are all still eating low carb...if not they need to.

Time to re-group Steph, we love you and will always be here for you but YOU are in the drivers seat.

Hugz from Doug   

[Snobles]

@Doug, thanks for the "little shove!" haha...It's what I needed to hear! That's like tonight, she is makeing macaroni and cheese and chicken together! (It's hard to break old habbits, but it's got to start somewhere.) Not me! As hard as it's going to be to just go with the flow, someone has to take a stand. I will have a salad and feel good about myself later. I know she is not to blame, but I just felt like we both have talked to her and talked to her. So maybe if I start to stand up to the way she cooks, I know my husband will. He hasn't been nearly as bad as I have! He will still only eat just the meats. She still tempts him though, but he has never caved! I just hate that feeling you get after you've completely stuffed yourself! But not anymore! I am going to stick to it, and do what I know is right. You are right, the world is full of distractions, not just her. I just never realized how food can control us! Even if she never changes her way of cooking, like Mouseissue said, I can control what goes in my mouth. Thanks guys! 

[mdanziger]

Stay strong and let us know how you do.  We know you will do great.

[SherriPie]

Stephanie I have been wondering about you for months. I am so very sorry to hear about your Mom, big hugs to you.
I'm glad you're back with us though, and back on FTS. We've missed you!